September 27, 2013

A Conversation with Ruby About God and Batman


Ruby: Why won’t you answer the door?

Me: Because those people want to talk to us about God.

Ruby: Is God real or pretend?

Me: God is real.

Ruby: God is in church.

Me: God is everywhere.

Ruby: What does God do all day?

Me: Well, God is in everything, so everything everything does all day is what God does all day.

A week later…

Ruby, watching Batman: Is Batman real or pretend?

Me: He’s a pretend character, but he’s real in our hearts and our collective consciousness.

Ruby: What does Batman do all day?

Me: Well, he’s the CEO of a huge corporation, so I imagine he goes to the office and works. Sometimes he hangs out in his Batcave waiting to help people who need help.

Ruby: With God?

Me: Sure. 

September 23, 2013

Scavengers Unite!


There was very little in the way of work for me on Friday, plus it was 75 degrees outside and sunny, so at 8:00 a.m. I opened all of the windows to air out the house, rolled up my sleeves and started cleaning from top to bottom to patio to garage.

Fact: The average household contains over 300,000 individual items. Because we're thrift store junkies, we have about twice that much stuff. I was in the mood to try to pare down to the average 300,000, so I went through the storage room and the closets and sorted everything into three piles:

1. Keep.
2. Stuff that can't be recycled, reused or repurposed (i.e.,garbage: Broken printers, old mops, etc.)
3. Stuff that can be recycled, reused or repurposed, just not by me.

I put away the stuff in the first pile, took the second pile out to the garbage, and set up the third pile in the alley on the handy concrete slab in front of our garage, a bunch of flotsam and jetsam and bric-a-brac for passersby to scavenge:




I seriously considered having a last-minute yard sale. The panic and adrenaline would be a rush after spending so much time in front of the computer, but as the morning wore on and I got tired and a little overwhelmed, I came to my senses.

Later that afternoon, the pile had dwindled somewhat:



The people in our neighborhood, us included, are vultures. We love picking through other people’s garbage. I’ve got all kinds of stuff around the house that I found abandoned in one alley or curbside or another.

By Sunday afternoon:



In the end, I only had to take a tiny carload of stuff to the Goodwill, and that was well worth not making $53.14 at an impromptu yard sale.

September 16, 2013

Ruby's Process


When Ruby paints, she likes to layer color after color after color and mix them and mix them and mix them with the paintbrush, and ends up with these really lush, cool paintings:






Today she was painting squiggly lines, a total departure from her norm:




"I like your painting," I said. 

She looked at me like I was nuts. "It's not a painting, Mom. I'm working on my process."

Fast forward ten minutes later, ten minutes of me gloating about my very own child prodigy, my absolute genius of a child, wondering if it was too early to start her college applications. She came into the room and wanted to perform "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" for me. The kid didn't get a single body part right. Where she should have pointed at her head, she pointed at her shoulders. Where she should have pointed at her toes, she pointed at her ears. And so on.

Thanks for keeping me honest, kid.